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Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Why can’t I stay with a resolution?

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

Sometimes we are more comfortable with our habits, as self-destructive as they may be, than with change. I’ve heard it said that it takes 30 days to create a new habit. That may not seem like a long time, but if you compare it to the years of behaving a certain way without giving it a second thought, 30 days is a long stretch of time for focusing awareness, intention, and action. Don’t minimize how much commitment it takes to implement permanent change. That way, when you do stick with your new commitment, you will have a well-deserved experience of accomplishment.
Sometimes our self-sabotage runs deep. We may think we want to lose weight, quit drinking, or start exercising but we may have underlying fears or limiting beliefs that keep us in a vicious circle:
1. I need to change
2. I want change
3. I am changing
4. I am afraid of changing
5. This change is too foreign for me/doesn’t fit my picture of myself/I’ll get rejected if I change too much/I’m scared
6. I am a failure at making this change
7. I need to change…

If the above sounds all-too-familiar to you, here are some important tips for making and keeping commitments:
1. Don’t commit out of guilt or embarrassment. Those feelings are fleeting and won’t take you the distance. Commit out of a true desire to build your self-esteem, maximize your health, or nurture your spirit in some way.
2. Tell someone else who is supportive about the commitment you are making. The more we put it out there, the more likely we are to keep an agreement with ourselves.
3. Do something every day towards your goal.
4. Don’t make excuses. If you slack off, admit it to yourself. Then forgive yourself immediately.
5. Reward yourself along the way. Remember that life is a journey, not a destination.

About Jane
Jane Straus is a trusted life coach, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. With humor and grace, Jane offers her clients and seminar participants insights and exercises to ensure that the next chapter of their lives is about thriving as the unique individuals they have always been and the extraordinary ones they are still becoming. She serves clients worldwide and invites you to visit her site, StopEnduring.com. Here you will find excerpts from her book, more articles, TV and radio interviews, and clips from her presentations.
She is also the author of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, Grammarbook.com, an award-winning online resource and workbook with easy-to-understand rules, real-world examples, and fun quizzes.
Contact Jane at Jane@JaneStraus.com.

Tags:change, dear jane, fear, habits, Jane Straus, limiting beliefs, New Year’s Resolutions, self sabotage
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Clarity on Your Life Purpose

Saturday, January 6th, 2007

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Dear Jane,
What if you don’t know what your life purpose is? What if it appears to be many things, and it’s difficult to figure out? What if it is so powerful, it seems to have stopped you dead in your tracks for 50 years, living a safe life of symbols of success? What if it is fear of shame and humiliation at such a fundamental level that you have been frozen in time?

If you feel overwhelmed by figuring out your life’s purpose(s), you may be thinking too grandiosely, causing you to feel paralyzed by your dreams rather than motivated by them. We may procrastinate our lives away because the goals we set are too daunting. We become spiritually paralyzed, caught up in a vicious circle of wanting and inaction, wanting and inaction.

First, stop focusing on what stops you. We are all afraid, at some level, of fear and humiliation. Don’t let that be your excuse for suffering. Take one action step towards one of your dreams. If you wanted to be a writer, that would mean writing one page, beginning a journal, talking to another writer, or taking a class. When you take even one step towards your spirit’s longings, you are facing your fears with courage. So write down a few small steps towards one of your goals. Make a commitment to take one of these. Tell someone who is supportive that you are doing this.

The aspirations we hold most dear always require courage. Courage requires action. We can’t get rid of a fear simply by hoping it goes away. As I talk about in Enough Is Enough!, Chapter 5 “Break the Spell of Fear: Make Fear Your Ally,” we learn how to downsize fear by working with it, not avoiding it. So taking one step towards your spirit’s ideals makes a big difference. It shifts your attention, helps you face and shrink your fears, and offers you the opportunity to admire yourself more.

Tags:courage, dear jane, fear, Jane Straus, life purpose, procrastination, thought into action
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When Fear Holds You Back

Monday, January 1st, 2007

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Dear Jane,
I’m re-taking a short seminar and then starting my own business. But something is holding me back. I know it’s fear, but so what!

Good for you for recognizing that it’s fear and for not making excuses, which means you are ready to say “boo” back to fear. Here are a few suggestions you’ll find in my book, Enough is Enough!, in the chapter “Break the Spell of Fear: Make Fear Your Ally”:

1. Imagine your worst fear and blow it up even bigger. Now ask yourself if you could live with those consequences. If the answer is yes, you will probably feel the fear decrease instantly.
2. Whatever you are afraid of—failure, success, abandonment, loneliness, financial insecurity—imagine that you never even start what you have set out to do. Imagine you are at the end of your life lying in bed. Are you saying to yourself, “I’m so proud that I played it safe, that I never took the risk.” Or are you saying to yourself, “I wish I had taken the risk regardless of the outcome.” If the answer is the latter, don’t let fear control you. It will only lead to regret.
3. Decide ahead of time that, no matter what happens, you will hold your head up high for having had the courage to turn your dream into a reality.
4. Make a commitment to someone else that you will move forward with your plans. Sometimes committing to others helps keep us on track.
5. Talk to others in your line of work who have been through what you are facing. Their support and suggestions will be very meaningful.

Tags:courage, dear jane, failure success, fear, fear of failure, Jane Straus, regret, risks
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Five Strategies to Ensure You’ll Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

Thursday, December 21st, 2006

Dear Jane,
I always break my New Year’s resolutions. What can I do differently this year?

This is the time of year when we tend to do two things:
1. We stand in front of a mirror and reprimand ourselves for all our bad habits.
2. We promise that “we shall overcome” these same bad habits beginning January 1.

And what tends to happen by mid-January? We are back to where we were, only worse because now we are really beating ourselves up for our behaviors. So how do we get out of this self-flagellating, humiliating vicious cycle?

Here are 5 strategies to boost your chances that you will actually keep your promises to yourself:

1. Start small. If you want to lose 20 pounds, make a resolution to lose five pounds. Then when you have achieved this goal, make a new agreement with yourself. It’s much easier to continue with a new habit that’s working than to set the bar so high that anything less will feel like failure.
2. Isolate one behavior you are willing to modify. If you are resolving to work out, for example, do you need to get up a half an hour earlier? Exercise during lunch hour? If you are resolving to lose weight, are you willing to cut down on alcohol or sweets or fats? Are you willing to trade in your cheeseburger and fries for a salad? Be honest about what you are willing to do and you won’t disappoint yourself down the line.
3. Start with a clean slate. Most of us pick the same resolution every year. This is a setup for shame and self-blame. Get creative. Think of something you’d like to do or do differently that you haven’t considered before. You’re more likely to succeed when you start from a neutral place rather than in the red.
4. Explore what’s been holding you back. Resistance usually has a fear underlying it. What are you afraid of if you succeed? Rejection? Isolation? Abandonment? In Enough Is Enough!, Chapter 5, Break the Spell of Fear, I discuss how to make fear your ally.
5. Voice your commitment. Tell someone else what you intend to do so that they can help support you if you waiver. Give them permission to remind you how important this resolution was to you on December 31.

You have the responsibility (ability to respond) to treat yourself with dignity, respect, and compassion when you make your New Year’s resolutions. Make this your year for win/win experiences with yourself.

Tags:dear jane, fear, goal setting, habits, Jane Straus, lifestyle change, New Year’s Resolutions, self sabotage
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Shining Your Light In the Face of Misery

Monday, December 18th, 2006

Dear Jane,
I wonder if it is possible to be happy, to live one`s inspiring life when the dear people around you suffer. You can see the way out if you were in their place, but you can`t live their life.

It is even more important to foster your own happiness and to live an inspired life when you see others around you who are suffering unnecessarily, imprisoned in their fear, hurt, self-judgments, or limiting beliefs. If you take on their misery, you are not serving them. They will only believe in their own helplessness and pain more. The Buddha said to “Be the light.” Just as fear is contagious, so are inspiration, peace, compassion, and joy. When we shine our light by choosing these states whenever possible, we help illuminate the way for others.

Tags:Buddha, compassion, dear jane, fear, inner light, Jane Straus, limiting beliefs, self-judgment, shine your light, suffering
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Overcoming Your Fear of Public Speaking

Thursday, December 14th, 2006

Dear Jane,
How can I overcome my fear of public speaking?

Did you know that a survey showed that Americans fear public speaking more than they fear death? Since people who are afraid to speak in public believe they may die from stage fright, it’s a double whammy.

So first, take comfort in knowing you share a fear with most of the human race. This fear is often based on a fear of making a fool of ourselves, of being embarrassed, humiliated, or criticized. Underlying that may be a belief that we are not worthy of respect for voicing our thoughts. So the first step is to respect your own voice, your own thoughts, your own being regardless of others. This is no easy task but it is good practice whether you are ever in front of people or not. You can start by acknowledging your qualities. Make a list of them. Before you go up “on stage,” look at that list to remind yourself of who you really are. This may help you detach from the fearful outcome you dread.

There are other strategies you can try too. For instance, you can imagine your audience naked or in the bathroom. This brings them down a notch or two. You can also visualize success instead of imagining the worst-case scenario. Another trick that many nervous speakers use (I’ll include myself here) is to set up a presentation in an interactive way so you don’t have to speak “in a vacuum.” I am comforted by knowing what people are thinking and feeling during my presentation. So you can pose a question for your audience or tell them in advance that you encourage them to raise their hands to interrupt you.

The last suggestion I’ll give here is that you practice. Like any other skill, the less you resist it and the more you do it, the more comfortable you will become. You will also admire yourself more for saying “boo” back to your fear, which I talk about in Enough Is Enough (Chapter 5)!

Finally, remember to hang out in Classroom Earth, not Courtroom Earth (Chapter 2), which means that you no longer act as the judge, jury, and executioner of yourself. Classroom Earth is where you get to learn, practice, and make mistakes in a supportive environment.

Now speak up!

Tags:coping strategies, dear jane, fear, fear of failure, Jane Straus, public speaking, success, worthiness
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Creating Abundance Through Trust

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

Dear Jane,
I know I have fears about money which probably keep me from having more money. But how do I break this vicious cycle?

How do we trust enough to trust? It’s a koan or at least a dilemma. My friend James told me how he recently worked with his fears and limiting beliefs around money.

For six years he had been “at a loss”—literally, unable to figure out why he was living in poverty while everyone around him seemed to manifest abundance so easily. A few weeks ago, he decided to stop asking why and started to simply “walk the walk” of abundance. It started with his awareness that he was out of integrity with himself and his church. His church asks its members to agree to tithe 10% of their earnings to charity. Although he had made the agreement, he had been skimping, telling himself that he didn’t have enough money for food or rent so how could he possibly give 10%?

When he confronted this, he made a decision to tithe 10% anyway, even if it meant going hungry. He made one other behavioral change to stop reinforcing his fear of lack. He stopped letting his gas tank get dangerously close to empty or even running out of gas. From the moment he stopped letting the fear of lack control him, his business began to boom. Within two weeks, he was booked with work for the next three months and has since given the overflow to other contractors.

So how do we trust enough to trust God/the Universe? This is where faith and “working in concert” come in. Faith means allowing God/the Universe to provide even though we can’t know ahead of time how things will work out. Faith is trusting, even with our fears and limiting beliefs. Working in concert means not sabotaging God/the Universe through behaviors that reinforce our fears and limiting beliefs. As I write about in Enough Is Enough!, working in concert means acting as if—as if we have perfect faith, as if it will all work out, as if we can help ourselves and others even when we don’t see how.

This is what James did by tithing and by filling up his gas tank. He behaved as if his fears and limiting beliefs didn’t have to be true or run the show anymore. I acknowledge James for his hard-won mastery of trust. He is an inspiration to me and I hope to you as well.

Tags:abundance, dear jane, faith, fear, Jane Straus, lack consciousness, limiting beliefs, manifesting, money, trust
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Getting Over Your Anger and Rage

Monday, September 18th, 2006

.: Play Now | Play in Popup | Downloads 188

Dear Jane,
How do I know if my anger is over the top or if it’s justified? Sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode! I know that other people are afraid of me—especially my kids. Sometimes, I’m afraid of myself so I can’t blame them.

First of all, we have probably all experienced rage, whether it’s in the form of being so mad we can’t see straight, having a murderous fantasy, or being afraid we will just “go crazy” if we let out the anger. The distinction between rage-aholism and feeling enraged is not so much the internal experience as the external behaviors. In other words, there is a difference between feeling rage and raging.

Here’s how you can know if your anger is over the top or if it is simply one of the many emotions in your repertoire:

1. Has your anger gotten you in trouble at work, in your close relationships, or with the law?
2. Do you often need to apologize for your out-of-control behaviors in order to get back in the good graces of others?
3. Do you make promises to control your temper and then find yourself unable to keep these promises?
4. Do you feel a momentary rush of power when others are afraid of you?
5. Are you afraid that you’re a ticking time bomb?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you may already realize that you have anger issues that need to be dealt with. You are not alone!

The best way to start managing your anger successfully is to stop blaming anyone else for blowing up at them. If you can do this, you are on the road to recovery. As long as you blame, you will feel powerless. And feeling powerless can actually fuel rage. You do have the power to manage your feelings. In fact, you’re the only one who has that power. Don’t abdicate it.

Secondly, anger is a secondary emotion. Underneath anger you will find that you really feel fear, hurt, and/or guilt. So practice checking in with yourself when you’re spitting mad. What were you feeling before you got to that point? It is much easier to handle these feelings than to try to manage your rage once you’ve reached your tipping point.

Thirdly, anger and rage can be coping strategies learned in childhood. If you were humiliated or abused, you may harbor vast amounts of rage. As I write about in Enough Is Enough!, compassion is key. Give yourself plenty of compassion for how you were treated as a child. Don’t minimize the abuse or the effects on your life today. The less denial you hold, the less rage you will also hold. You might consider professional help to release your pent-up feelings safely and supportively. Then recognize that coping strategies may help you survive but they don’t help you thrive. Coping strategies are remnants from when you had no other choices. But they are also immature and therefore not very handy now.

Fourthly, remember that all attempts to thrive require the courage to drop our survival strategies. Even if you don’t yet handle every situation with equanimity, give yourself credit where credit is due. And apologize when you err. We often have to stumble before we become graceful with new behaviors.

Finally, set your sights high. Think of someone whose temperament you admire. Let yourself aspire to be more like them. How do they behave? You will probably notice that they are less defensive and reactive. They may take criticism without acting as though they have any less self-esteem. They may be assertive rather than aggressive. They may have a sense of humor that defuses tension. Whatever it is that you admire about how they handle themselves, practice that behavior. Walk the walk and talk the talk until it becomes more comfortable. Sooner than you might dare imagine, you will identify yourself with this new way of behaving. The goal is to become a person you admire. Or as one bumper sticker says, “Become the person your dog thinks you are.”

Tags:adult children, anger, blame, coping strategies, dear jane, fear, hurt, Jane Straus, rage
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(Re)Kindling Your Passion for Your Work and Your Life

Friday, July 28th, 2006

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Dear Jane,
I wake up every weekday morning dreading the upcoming day. I’ve got a good job and a loving family and should feel grateful. What’s wrong with me?

Most of us have woken up occasionally to a feeling of dread or anxiety, wishing we were facing a different day ahead of us. But if this is how you feel most mornings, wishing you had a different life, you are suffering from burnout. Burnout is the result of enduring for too long and is debilitating to your spirit. The good news is that it’s curable.

When you are in burnout, you may feel a whole host of symptoms, including:
• Depression
• Restlessness
• Anxiety
• Addiction
• Hopelessness
• Chronic illness or pain
• Lack of motivation
• Stuck in a rut
• Fantasizing having a different life or even being a different person

Then there are the additional, perhaps surprising, symptoms of burnout that deserve your attention:
• Cynicism – When you feel jaded about your work, your clients, your colleagues, or your contributions to others, you are experiencing one of the most serious symptoms of burnout. When we are excited about our lives, we don’t tend to feel cynical.
• Boredom – Having little interest in your work or your life can lead to running out of motivation entirely. You can delude yourself into thinking that you are bored because of the outside world. But prolonged boredom is a smokescreen to avoid facing the risks we need to take to feel more fulfilled.
• Confusion – Not being able to make up your mind can happen when you don’t give yourself the highest options to choose from. We must aim for what our spirit really aspires to in order to get clarity.
• Jealousy –Jealousy is what you feel when you think you can’t have or don’t deserve what someone else has. It’s a clue that you have a limiting belief that is keeping you in a rut. To overcome jealousy, we need to commit to ourselves to create a life that is remarkable on our own terms.
• Low Self-Esteem – If someone else thinks you’re great but you can’t feel it about yourself or you can’t take in compliments, it may be because you’re not doing what you really need to in order to thrive. Sometimes we have to practice thriving behaviors even before we believe we deserve to.
• Defensiveness – You will react most strongly to criticisms that mirror your own self-judgments. When you judge yourself, you automatically put yourself in a prison of endurance. Take note of the criticisms you pile on yourself every day. They probably sound something like, “I’m too fat/stupid/afraid/old to succeed/be happy/find a partner/make enough money.” There is an ancient Buddhist saying, “No enemy can harm us as much as our own thoughts.” Rather than defend ourselves, we can focus on self-encouragement rather than self-judgment.
• Impatience – When you are short with others, it is a clue that you’re unhappy with your life in some way. Maybe you think people talk too slowly, or you get road rage, or you jump on your partner or kids for slight infractions. It’s time to ask yourself if what you are really feeling impatient about is some aspect of your life. Are you tired of waiting for something better to happen? Impatience can work for us when we heed its message, which is to evaluate our circumstances and make new commitments to ourselves.
• Frustration – Annoyance with things that aren’t within your control is a symptom of deeper dissatisfactions. If so, quick fixes won’t work. Instead, address the root cause of your burnout, which is that your spirit is not being nurtured enough. Sometimes, when we are afraid of making changes, we will try to focus on the small stuff. But isn’t it better to act on our dreams and aspirations?

So once you recognize your symptoms of burnout and you are motivated to thrive, how do you “go for it”? Answer these questions honestly and follow the suggestions that you are drawn to:

Question: If you felt passion for your life or your work at one time but don’t feel it now, what has changed? What did you love about your work/life at one time? Suggestion: Perhaps you’ve changed and evolved. Perhaps what was true for you five or ten years ago is no longer current. Stop blaming yourself for any discontent. Instead, be respectful and check in with what your spirit longs for now.

Question: If you’ve never felt passion for your life or your work, why not?
Suggestion: Maybe you chose a profession or lifestyle based on others’ expectations instead of your own. Or maybe the work or life you chose was based on unrealistic fantasies. Prioritize your criteria for a satisfying life. What do you imagine would make you happy? Try out scenarios and see if they work for you. For example, if you like the outdoors, volunteer as a trail guide for a short stint. If you are artistic, become an apprentice to a graphics designer or take an art class.

Question: Do you feel at home in your environment or are you like a fish out of water?
Suggestion: Take a personality style assessment to find out if you are a Director, Promoter, Analyzer, or Supporter. A good life coach can help you interpret the results. Each style has its needs, wants, and most conducive environments for thriving. You deserve to have a life aligned with your style instead of fighting it.

Question: What self-judgments are keeping you from creating a more extraordinary life?
Suggestion: Respond to your self-judgment with an affirmation that you are willing to believe but do not yet hold as true. An affirmation can start with, “Although I have believed I’m too old to find a partner, I am now willing to create a loving relationship.” Affirmations are commitments to yourself that counter negative beliefs.

Question: What limiting beliefs are stopping you from living a richer life?
Suggestion: Limiting beliefs are often taught to us as children. We assume, from our child’s perspective, that they are true, so they often go untested. Examples of common limiting beliefs: “You can’t trust people. You can’t have what you want. No one is really happy. Your happiness doesn’t matter.” Think about what you have believed about the world that is self-defeating. Be willing to question your own authority or the authority of those who taught you these “facts.”

Question: Do you worry about what will happen to your significant relationships if you stop enduring and start manifesting your dreams?
Suggestion: There are consequences to making changes in your life. But if you hold yourself back out of fear, you may get what you are avoiding anyway. For example, if you fear that someone in your life will reject you if you make changes, aren’t you going to isolate more anyway if you become more miserable and fear driven? Our fears are based on the past and the future, not on the present. If you stay focused on what your spirit is telling you in the present, the company you will be keeping will be the company you want to keep. Why? Because you will have become the company you want to keep!

Question: Do you let obstacles like lack of money or possible failure stop you?
Suggestion: These obstacles present opportunities to persevere. Endurance is what you do when you are not listening to your spirit. Perseverance is what you do when you stay focused on your goals. Roadblocks can strengthen your resolve. You probably wouldn’t want what you want if it were too easy. Your spirit is drawn to challenges.

Question: Does fear in general hold you back?
Suggestion: Do one thing that requires courage and moves you toward one of your spirit’s aspirations. Maybe that means taking a class, getting a personal coach, applying for a job, reading a self-help book, or signing up with an internet dating service. Taking steps to address your fears will rightly build your self-esteem. Get support to meet your fears head on.

Question: Do you feel selfish when you even begin to focus on yourself this way?
Suggestion: Remember that energy rubs off on other people. If you are unhappy, burned out, feeling victimized by life, what do you really have to offer others? Committing to making your own life more remarkable is a gift that keeps on giving. You will be much more present and useful to others when you have said yes to fulfilling your own highest goals and aspirations.

It is time to say “Enough is enough!” to endurance, marking time, and burnout. Once you do, you may find that obstacles that once appeared insurmountable now fall away. When you commit to yourself, you are bound to:

• find resources to help you on your path
• carve out time that you didn’t know you had
• tweak something small that turns out to make an enormous difference
• have more fun than you imagined possible
• discover some hidden creativity
• inspire others

The decision to stop enduring and to (re)kindle your passion is an act of profound courage. But if you don’t want your epitaph to read, “Here lies ______. He/she finished everything on the To Do list,” then listen to yourself now. You are worthy of that and so is everyone who will benefit from your choosing to live a more extraordinary life.

Tags:affirmations, burnout, dear jane, endurance mode, enduring, fear, Jane Straus, jealousy, limiting beliefs, low self esteem, spirit
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Compassion In Action

Friday, June 16th, 2006

When I grew up in San Francisco and then went to school at U.C. Davis during the sixties and early seventies, social activism (anti-war, anti-nuke, feminism, ecology, universal healthcare) was part of the fabric of my life. But I remember my discomfort sitting around the table strategizing with my comrades, using the vocabulary and tactics of war. We pumped ourselves up for political “fights” and strategized about how to “trounce the enemy,” often late at night with alcohol infused adrenaline. In other words, we were brainwashing ourselves the way soldiers are brainwashed–to think of ourselves as good, noble, and just and to think of anyone who thought differently as evil and unenlightened. We would bring enlightenment to them, of course, through our rhetoric, our righteous indignation, and the purity of our beliefs.
As much as I believed in the causes I worked so hard for–and still do believe in them–something was wrong with this picture, as they say. Something was missing for me. Never much of a drinker and lacking the natural bravado or self-assuredness of my fellow progressives, I felt different and slowly, almost invisibly, extricated myself from their midst. I felt ashamed of myself for abandoning them and the causes but, because I couldn’t name what my discomfort was, I assumed it was something in me that was lacking. No longer on the front lines, I continued to support causes by quietly writing checks.
I’ve had 25 years to consider my actions and inactions and where I fit into social and political action today. I’ve uncovered what was missing for me: the awareness that we are interconnected, that my worst enemy is not another person but my own self-judging thoughts, and that black and white/good and bad are artificial divisions that are useless when trying to solve problems.
I see it every day in my coaching practice: A couple or a father and daughter come in, each in so much pain that they feel hopeless. In their hopelessness, instead of becoming more vulnerable, they become immobilized, each solidifying their arguments and positions, pushing away the one person they most want to be loved by.
Perhaps this is what we do more globally. Fueled by religious rhetoric that warns us of an impending apocalypse and by scientists reiterating that we are on the precipice of an irreversible global disaster in the form of global warming, we despair. This despair immobilizes and polarizes us.
So what can I do to get out of fear and hopelessness–out of endurance–and possibly make a difference in a way that is consistent with compassionate action? Today, I read a prayer by the Dalai Lama: “As long as space endures, and for as long as living beings remain, until then may I too abide, to dispel the misery of the world.” Today, I will repeat this prayer over and over as a reminder to keep my focus on dispelling misery, not creating more through my self-judgment, hopelessness, or defensiveness. Today, when I get angry at my government officials or terrorists or child molesters, I will try to move through righteous indignation to compassion for the misery of both the vanquishers and the vanquished. Today, I will seek more avenues for expressing this compassion, along with hope, joy, and love. The world has given me so much; I owe it this in return.

Tags:compassion, dalai lama, dear jane, endurance, fear, hopelessness, interconnectedness, Jane Straus, relationships, self-judgment
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