Posts Tagged ‘self sabotage’

What A Life Coach Can Do for You

Thursday, January 18th, 2007
 
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Dear Jane,
What is a life coach and how do I know if I need or want one?

What I do as a life coach is help my clients recognize and let go of the sabotaging thoughts and behaviors that have undermined their success, joy, and intimacy. We all have sabotaging thoughts and behaviors; sometimes it takes someone else to help us see them and to believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. So I’m also an energetic cheerleader and true believer. I will often see the possibilities for a client’s future before he or she can. My job is to inspire each person I work with to create an extraordinary vision and to become adept with the tools to create that vision.

Some life coaches specialize; however, I find that trying to draw the line between personal and professional issues feels arbitrary and artificial. The issues you have—whether it’s a fear of rejection, a self-judgment that you’re not good enough, or a belief that you’ll never be happy—won’t impact just part of your life; you will experience it everywhere.

By healing fear, self-judgment, and limiting beliefs, you will shift both personally and professionally. Your self-esteem will grow and your relationships with colleagues, friends, and family will feel healthier and deeper.

About Jane
Jane Straus is a trusted life coach, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. With humor and grace, Jane offers her clients and seminar participants insights and exercises to ensure that the next chapter of their lives is about thriving as the unique individuals they have always been and the extraordinary ones they are still becoming. She serves clients worldwide and invites you to visit her site, StopEnduring.com. Here you will find excerpts from her book, more articles, TV and radio interviews, and clips from her presentations.
She is also the author of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, Grammarbook.com, an award-winning online resource and workbook with easy-to-understand rules, real-world examples, and fun quizzes.
Contact Jane at Jane@JaneStraus.com.

Why can’t I stay with a resolution?

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

Sometimes we are more comfortable with our habits, as self-destructive as they may be, than with change. I’ve heard it said that it takes 30 days to create a new habit. That may not seem like a long time, but if you compare it to the years of behaving a certain way without giving it a second thought, 30 days is a long stretch of time for focusing awareness, intention, and action. Don’t minimize how much commitment it takes to implement permanent change. That way, when you do stick with your new commitment, you will have a well-deserved experience of accomplishment.
Sometimes our self-sabotage runs deep. We may think we want to lose weight, quit drinking, or start exercising but we may have underlying fears or limiting beliefs that keep us in a vicious circle:
1. I need to change
2. I want change
3. I am changing
4. I am afraid of changing
5. This change is too foreign for me/doesn’t fit my picture of myself/I’ll get rejected if I change too much/I’m scared
6. I am a failure at making this change
7. I need to change…

If the above sounds all-too-familiar to you, here are some important tips for making and keeping commitments:
1. Don’t commit out of guilt or embarrassment. Those feelings are fleeting and won’t take you the distance. Commit out of a true desire to build your self-esteem, maximize your health, or nurture your spirit in some way.
2. Tell someone else who is supportive about the commitment you are making. The more we put it out there, the more likely we are to keep an agreement with ourselves.
3. Do something every day towards your goal.
4. Don’t make excuses. If you slack off, admit it to yourself. Then forgive yourself immediately.
5. Reward yourself along the way. Remember that life is a journey, not a destination.

About Jane
Jane Straus is a trusted life coach, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. With humor and grace, Jane offers her clients and seminar participants insights and exercises to ensure that the next chapter of their lives is about thriving as the unique individuals they have always been and the extraordinary ones they are still becoming. She serves clients worldwide and invites you to visit her site, StopEnduring.com. Here you will find excerpts from her book, more articles, TV and radio interviews, and clips from her presentations.
She is also the author of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, Grammarbook.com, an award-winning online resource and workbook with easy-to-understand rules, real-world examples, and fun quizzes.
Contact Jane at Jane@JaneStraus.com.

Five Strategies to Ensure You’ll Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

Thursday, December 21st, 2006

Dear Jane,
I always break my New Year’s resolutions. What can I do differently this year?

This is the time of year when we tend to do two things:
1. We stand in front of a mirror and reprimand ourselves for all our bad habits.
2. We promise that “we shall overcome” these same bad habits beginning January 1.

And what tends to happen by mid-January? We are back to where we were, only worse because now we are really beating ourselves up for our behaviors. So how do we get out of this self-flagellating, humiliating vicious cycle?

Here are 5 strategies to boost your chances that you will actually keep your promises to yourself:

1. Start small. If you want to lose 20 pounds, make a resolution to lose five pounds. Then when you have achieved this goal, make a new agreement with yourself. It’s much easier to continue with a new habit that’s working than to set the bar so high that anything less will feel like failure.
2. Isolate one behavior you are willing to modify. If you are resolving to work out, for example, do you need to get up a half an hour earlier? Exercise during lunch hour? If you are resolving to lose weight, are you willing to cut down on alcohol or sweets or fats? Are you willing to trade in your cheeseburger and fries for a salad? Be honest about what you are willing to do and you won’t disappoint yourself down the line.
3. Start with a clean slate. Most of us pick the same resolution every year. This is a setup for shame and self-blame. Get creative. Think of something you’d like to do or do differently that you haven’t considered before. You’re more likely to succeed when you start from a neutral place rather than in the red.
4. Explore what’s been holding you back. Resistance usually has a fear underlying it. What are you afraid of if you succeed? Rejection? Isolation? Abandonment? In Enough Is Enough!, Chapter 5, Break the Spell of Fear, I discuss how to make fear your ally.
5. Voice your commitment. Tell someone else what you intend to do so that they can help support you if you waiver. Give them permission to remind you how important this resolution was to you on December 31.

You have the responsibility (ability to respond) to treat yourself with dignity, respect, and compassion when you make your New Year’s resolutions. Make this your year for win/win experiences with yourself.

About Jane
Jane Straus is a trusted life coach, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. With humor and grace, Jane offers her clients and seminar participants insights and exercises to ensure that the next chapter of their lives is about thriving as the unique individuals they have always been and the extraordinary ones they are still becoming. She serves clients worldwide and invites you to visit her site, StopEnduring.com. Here you will find excerpts from her book, more articles, TV and radio interviews, and clips from her presentations.
She is also the author of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, Grammarbook.com, an award-winning online resource and workbook with easy-to-understand rules, real-world examples, and fun quizzes.
Contact Jane at Jane@JaneStraus.com.