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How to Become Rich

Thursday, January 11th, 2007

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Dear Jane,
How do I get rich?

When this question was sent to me, I thought I’d pass on answering since 1) by American standards, I am middle class and 2) I am not a financial expert, although many of my clients have attained great wealth through our work together and by reading Enough Is Enough! But I’m just avoiding the question by giving you these disclaimers. So, here are my thoughts.
Decide what “rich” means for you. Is it a certain amount of money, a particular lifestyle, the ability to send your children to college, the guarantee that you’ll never need to look for a job, a yacht, a bigger yacht? Is it having a loving family, good friends? Does “rich” mean being able to be generous without having to blink? All of the above? If you decide on your definition and purpose, you are much more likely to find the drive and means to attain your goals.
Read books by experts on creating wealth. Knowledge is power. It is also motivating. I think that Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker is brilliant. Whether you decide to follow his recommendations or not, he will not let you off the hook about taking responsibility for your choices.
What are your limiting beliefs? What are some of the “poverty” thoughts you hold? Where did you get them? How do you perpetuate them? Do you believe you deserve any more than what you currently have? Would you be ashamed if you had more? Do you get something out of feeling like a victim of struggle?
Practice generosity, kindness, open-heartedness, and compassion. What do these have to do with wealth? Maybe nothing. There are many wealthy people who practice none of these. And there are many middle class and poor people who also practice none of these. So I throw them in for good measure. If you’re going to get rich, I ask you to consider enriching others’ lives in the process.

About Jane
Jane Straus is a trusted life coach, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. With humor and grace, Jane offers her clients and seminar participants insights and exercises to ensure that the next chapter of their lives is about thriving as the unique individuals they have always been and the extraordinary ones they are still becoming. She serves clients worldwide and invites you to visit her site, StopEnduring.com. Here you will find excerpts from her book, more articles, TV and radio interviews, and clips from her presentations.
She is also the author of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, Grammarbook.com, an award-winning online resource and workbook with easy-to-understand rules, real-world examples, and fun quizzes.
Contact Jane at Jane@JaneStraus.com.

Tags:abundance, dear jane, deserve, Jane Straus, limiting beliefs, manifesting, money, secrets of the millionaire mind, t. harv eker, wealth
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Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection

Wednesday, January 10th, 2007

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I have suffered with a paralyzing fear of rejection for most of my life. This leaves me unable to be as assertive in my private and professional life as I would like to be, and sometimes it is crippling. Intellectually I know I shouldn’t be so worried about what other people think, but the feelings are still there. How do I overcome this irrational feeling?

When you have a fear that is irrational, you can’t sit by the sidelines figuring it out. You need to take small steps towards your fear. What kinds of situations make you worry about rejection? List these. Then put them in order from least fearful to most fearful. Start with your least paralyzing situation and think of one action step you are willing to take that addresses the fear rather than letting it run you. When you have accomplished this, reward yourself in some way. Then take the next small step.

For example, if you are afraid to attend work-related parties but that isn’t as frightening as giving a talk in front of your colleagues, pick that one. You could go to the party with a friend. You could give yourself permission to leave after an hour if you’re not enjoying it. You could promise yourself you will talk to at least two or three people.

If you still feel crippled, speak with your doctor. There are medications for crippling social disorders. No matter what action you take, acknowledge yourself for your courage. What others may find easy is not easy for you. So give yourself credit for your efforts and remember to reward yourself.

To listen to my teleseminar or interview answering these types of questions, click http://blogtalkradio.com/hostpage.aspx?show_id=7364 or http://cherylmclaughlin.com/AskJaneStraus/vbtv3/replay

Tags:coping strategies, dear jane, fear of rejection, healing process, Jane Straus
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Protecting a Child from Family Members

Tuesday, January 9th, 2007

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Dear Jane,
My mother and I have not spoken for several years. I have no desire to reestablish a relationship with her, but I recently had a daughter of my own (she’s 3 months old) and I don’t think it’s fair to her to not know one of her grandparents. (She does spend time with my father.) I have legitimate concerns for the well being of my daughter spending time alone with my mom and stepfather, but feel I should give her the opportunity to establish a good relationship with them if it is possible. Should I wait until she’s older? How long is that?

It is time to transition from being your mother’s daughter to being your daughter’s mother. If you choose your mother over your daughter, would you perhaps be reenacting whatever betrayal you suffered? If you have legitimate concerns, why would you consider putting your daughter at risk in exchange for the hope that something won’t happen?

It sounds as though you haven’t really fully acknowledged the severity of whatever occurred that caused you to sever your relationship with your mother. In my experience, children don’t break off a relationship with a parent unless they have strong reason to do so. In Enough Is Enough, I address the importance of acknowledging the wrongs that were done to us so that we don’t re-create the same situation for our children and so that we can forgive at a deeper level.

You say you have no desire to reestablish a relationship with your mother. If that is the case, then let it go for now. Or see if you and your mother can work on your relationship with professional help. But do not use your daughter as a “peace offering.” If you want your daughter to have contact with her grandparents, be there with her. Don’t put a time limit on this arrangement. You are responsible for your daughter’s safety and your loyalty belongs with her, not with your mother.

Tags:adult children, betrayal, dear jane, family, forgiveness, Jane Straus, mothers, parenting, relationship
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What Really Prevents You from an Extraordinary Life

Monday, January 8th, 2007

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Dear Jane,
I am in love with a woman but she doesn’t love me. This prevents me from having an extraordinary life.

If you believe that someone else prevents you from leading a more extraordinary life, you are giving away your power, which will only fuel a belief that you are a victim. It is never someone else who stops us from manifesting our deepest truths and longings.
In Enough Is Enough!, I write extensively about how we choose our Acts in life—the thoughts and behaviors that cover up who we really are. The Victim Act is the most common because we can convince ourselves of it so easily. All of us know this one. Inevitably, it sounds like, “I can’t ____ because he/she ______.” It gives us an excuse to avoid responsibility and underlying fears.

Unfortunately, victim thinking also keeps us suffering unnecessarily. I encourage you to change your thought to, “I can ______ because I _______.” Say this ten times a day and within days, you will notice a subtle shift inside you. You will find ways to achieve your goals that were not apparent before. Ideas and opportunities will open up for you.

Free will is a powerful thing. If we give it up, we imprison ourselves. When we embrace it, we find that the key to our prison door has been in our pocket all along.

Tags:affirmations, dear jane, extraordinary life, Jane Straus, love, manifesting, self-talk, truth, victim-consciousness
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Clarity on Your Life Purpose

Saturday, January 6th, 2007

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Dear Jane,
What if you don’t know what your life purpose is? What if it appears to be many things, and it’s difficult to figure out? What if it is so powerful, it seems to have stopped you dead in your tracks for 50 years, living a safe life of symbols of success? What if it is fear of shame and humiliation at such a fundamental level that you have been frozen in time?

If you feel overwhelmed by figuring out your life’s purpose(s), you may be thinking too grandiosely, causing you to feel paralyzed by your dreams rather than motivated by them. We may procrastinate our lives away because the goals we set are too daunting. We become spiritually paralyzed, caught up in a vicious circle of wanting and inaction, wanting and inaction.

First, stop focusing on what stops you. We are all afraid, at some level, of fear and humiliation. Don’t let that be your excuse for suffering. Take one action step towards one of your dreams. If you wanted to be a writer, that would mean writing one page, beginning a journal, talking to another writer, or taking a class. When you take even one step towards your spirit’s longings, you are facing your fears with courage. So write down a few small steps towards one of your goals. Make a commitment to take one of these. Tell someone who is supportive that you are doing this.

The aspirations we hold most dear always require courage. Courage requires action. We can’t get rid of a fear simply by hoping it goes away. As I talk about in Enough Is Enough!, Chapter 5 “Break the Spell of Fear: Make Fear Your Ally,” we learn how to downsize fear by working with it, not avoiding it. So taking one step towards your spirit’s ideals makes a big difference. It shifts your attention, helps you face and shrink your fears, and offers you the opportunity to admire yourself more.

Tags:courage, dear jane, fear, Jane Straus, life purpose, procrastination, thought into action
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Strengthening Your Self-Esteem

Monday, January 1st, 2007

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Dear Jane,
How can I strengthen my so low self-esteem?

In my book, Enough Is Enough!, I talk about The Big Lie, which is the mistaken belief that we are unworthy. As long as we believe this lie, we will behave accordingly, encouraging others to also believe this lie. This is how a lie eventually takes on the appearance of truth.

First and foremost, you need to take responsibility for raising your self-esteem. If you rely solely on others, you are neglecting your own spirit and inviting others to do the same. Self-esteem is part of our spirit. It requires consistent attention and nurturing. Begin by writing your answers to the following questions:
1. What are some of my good qualities?
2. How have I been helpful to others?
3. What talents do I possess?

These will help remind you of your worthiness. The next step is to act on the answers. If you are a compassionate person, you may want to volunteer with an organization that could use your inherent kindness. If you are artistic, you can teach others, take a class, or make time every day to do your art.

In addition to acting on your qualities and talents, do an affirmation. I write in the book about creating powerful affirmations that will work for you. Here are some tips:
1. Create your affirmation in present time.
2. Write it down and post it someplace prominent like your bathroom mirror.
3. Say it daily and often.
4. Be willing to believe that it will become true when you stop defending The Big Lie.

You can increase your self-esteem. The only thing in the way is a belief that you don’t deserve to. You do deserve to. And, guess what? Everyone in your life will benefit from your commitment to yourself.
About Jane
Jane Straus is a trusted life coach, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. With humor and grace, Jane offers her clients and seminar participants insights and exercises to ensure that the next chapter of their lives is about thriving as the unique individuals they have always been and the extraordinary ones they are still becoming. She serves clients worldwide and invites you to visit her site, StopEnduring.com. Here you will find excerpts from her book, more articles, TV and radio interviews, and clips from her presentations.
She is also the author of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, Grammarbook.com, an award-winning online resource and workbook with easy-to-understand rules, real-world examples, and fun quizzes.
Contact Jane at Jane@JaneStraus.com.

Tags:dear jane, Jane Straus, low self esteem, powerful affirmations
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When Fear Holds You Back

Monday, January 1st, 2007

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Dear Jane,
I’m re-taking a short seminar and then starting my own business. But something is holding me back. I know it’s fear, but so what!

Good for you for recognizing that it’s fear and for not making excuses, which means you are ready to say “boo” back to fear. Here are a few suggestions you’ll find in my book, Enough is Enough!, in the chapter “Break the Spell of Fear: Make Fear Your Ally”:

1. Imagine your worst fear and blow it up even bigger. Now ask yourself if you could live with those consequences. If the answer is yes, you will probably feel the fear decrease instantly.
2. Whatever you are afraid of—failure, success, abandonment, loneliness, financial insecurity—imagine that you never even start what you have set out to do. Imagine you are at the end of your life lying in bed. Are you saying to yourself, “I’m so proud that I played it safe, that I never took the risk.” Or are you saying to yourself, “I wish I had taken the risk regardless of the outcome.” If the answer is the latter, don’t let fear control you. It will only lead to regret.
3. Decide ahead of time that, no matter what happens, you will hold your head up high for having had the courage to turn your dream into a reality.
4. Make a commitment to someone else that you will move forward with your plans. Sometimes committing to others helps keep us on track.
5. Talk to others in your line of work who have been through what you are facing. Their support and suggestions will be very meaningful.

Tags:courage, dear jane, failure success, fear, fear of failure, Jane Straus, regret, risks
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How to Commit to Yourself

Monday, December 25th, 2006

Dear Jane,
How do you commit to yourself as steadfastly as you commit to others?

When we are more committed to others’ well-being or happiness than to our own, we are suffering from low self-worth. Often, people who overcommit to others feel ashamed to even have needs or wants, accusing themselves of selfishness at every turn.

However, the flip side of this self-scorn is a buildup of resentment towards others. This resentment often overflows and spills out at the oddest moments, surprising not just the receiver but the giver.

The first thing you can do is recognize that this does not have to be an either/or world. Giving openheartedly to yourself does not have to exclude being generous with others. In fact, the more kindness and compassion we offer ourselves, the more kindness and compassion we have available for others.

So begin by questioning the authority of this either/or belief system. Be open to experiencing a life of both/and. “I can be both committed to myself and committed to others.” You will find lots of tips and some amazing stories in Enough Is Enough! to help you make this transition. And I promise that your life will begin to feel more extraordinary.

Tags:dear jane, generosity, giving, Jane Straus, limiting beliefs, low self esteem, resentment, self-love
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Being Yourself

Monday, December 25th, 2006

Dear Jane,
Why can’t I be myself? I’m always afraid that I’m not good enough, that I have to cater to others first, that nothing I feel, do, or believe measures up. I don’t think it comes from how others see me; it comes from inside me, and I can’t figure out why.

Even if it comes from others, you’re right that these thoughts originate within you. Who is this self that you are so afraid doesn’t measure up to your standards? Do you look at a baby and even think to say, “You don’t measure up”? How are you any different from that little, perfect being? When could your perfection have diminished?

You are in an illusion that you are telling yourself for some reason—probably a reason so old you can’t even remember when you began to tell yourself that you are unworthy. Perhaps you inherited this belief from your parents.

What you must do now, for your precious spirit’s sake, is question authority—especially yours! Ask yourself, “How does it serve me to hold onto this self-judgment and limiting belief?” Every harsh judgment we place on ourselves is an attempt to keep us safe somehow—safe from further rejection or abandonment usually. This is how people pleasing becomes such a habit-forming behavior.

I encourage you to read Chapter 4 of Enough Is Enough! “Drop Your Acts: Become Who You Already Are.” Until we are authentic, we cannot feel loved because if others don’t know us, how can they love us? There’s no “us” there to love. You can change your life in an instant by changing just one thought or one behavior today. This is vital work for your spirit.

Tags:authentic self, dear jane, fear of rejection, Jane Straus, limiting beliefs, low self esteem, self-judgment, self-love, spirit, unworthy, worthiness
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Healing Your Grief

Monday, December 25th, 2006

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Dear Jane,
Why do I feel so bogged down and sooo wrapped up with myself that it has become a physical thing? I feel like I have “cancer of the heart.” When will this sad, unrelenting “Why me? It’s not fair. I don’t deserve a divorce” mindset ever go away?

First of all, you are asking yourself the wrong questions, questions that set you up for staying in a rut because they are so self-judging.

Although I don’t know how long you have been feeling this unrelenting sadness, it is important to respect your grief. When you lose a relationship, whether it is to divorce or death, you have a right to grieve. Unpopular as grieving is, it is necessary to experience for as long as it’s there. The more you beat yourself up about grieving, the slower the healing process. Practice more compassion for yourself. You have lost something. You feel rejected. These feelings are hard enough without your shaming yourself for them.

Perhaps this divorce is also bringing up past loss or rejection. Or you may be experiencing clinical depression or Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome in addition to your grief. I encourage you to talk to a life coach or therapist to help assess your unique situation. You shouldn’t have to bear the burden of your pain alone.

Read Chapter 6 of Enough Is Enough!, “Unchain Your Heart: Free Your Feelings” and also Chapter 7, “Take Off Your Armor: Heal Your Anger and Resentment.” Underneath your self-pity may be anger and resentment that need to see the light of day in order for you to get free. Please keep me posted.

Tags:dear jane, divorce, grief, healing process, Jane Straus, post traumatic stress disorder, ptsd, rejection, resentment, self-judgment
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