Share Your Secrets

"We are only as sick as our secrets."

• If you have a secret you want to share
  because it is hurting you to hold onto it...
• If you have a regret that you are ready to release...
• If you haven't made amends to someone for something...
• If you want to begin to forgive yourself...
• If you have a story about finding the courage to tell the truth.

Here is your opportunity to do so anonymously. Get out of isolation to heal your body, mind, spirit, and heart. Write in this guestbook-without advice, judgment, or shaming-and perhaps you will find even more courage to behave impeccably and compassionately.

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Posted: Mon Apr 30 14:14:23 CDT 2007
I was in a desperate situation. I had to leave where I was staying. I had no money to get my own place. My only option was to go to my formerly abusive mother's home and have zero emotional or spiritual support. To let her control my life once again in a place I didn't want to be

A "friend" from my church rents out rooms in his house. He had a vacancy and offered it to me. I told him I literally had no money. A week went by and it was the afternoon before I was to drive to my mother's to live. He called. He said if I would be his "mistress" aka prostitute I could live there for free and he would pay me some money for food. I would get to stay in my spiritual community, live where I wanted to be and survive. I reluctantly agreed.

I went over and had sex with him then moved in the next day. He told me all this crap about how he loved taking care of women, how sex is spiritual, how this was just an "exchange" we were just "meeting each other's needs", this wasn't prostitution. I knew better but I thought maybe God was giving me a strange opportunity to heal some of my sexual/man issues.

After 5 days I couldn't do it anymore. My soul was disgusted with me and so was I. I didn't heal anything I just betrayed myself for a man again. At least I got it quickly. Now I have 2 weeks to get out of here. I have no where to go. I know my mom doesn't want me. I still have no money. I am worse off financially (if that is possible) than before. This person who called himslef a friend was just a user, a sex addict, another man who just wants me for my body. He knows exactly what my situation is but is kicking me out anyway because I won't feed his addiction. I won't be a whore.

That is the secret no one knows. I have only told part of the truth to others. They know I am leaving because he wanted me to be a prostitute but they don't know I actually did it for a few days.

Thank You

Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. In "Enough Is Enough!" I talk about the 4 stages of learning and healing. The first stage is unconscious/incompetent, where we do something that is "off" but we are unaware of it or the consequences until we are knee deep in it. You are past this stage. The second stage is conscious/incompetent where we do something that is "off" and we experience the pain of it but sometimes only after we have done it. To get from this stage to stage three, which is conscious/competent, requires courage. You are displaying a great deal of this. My guess is that, by looking at your choices so honestly, you will not have to repeat this painful experience again. You will notice sooner and sooner when situations feel humiliating and degrading. This will grow your sense of competence and confidence. By the way, stage four, while the ideal, does not have to be attained to live an extraordinary life. It is the stage of unconscious/competence, where we have become so accustomed to behaving in a new way, that it is "second nature."
I ask you one favor: to admire yourself for risking a roof over your head in order to find your dignity.

Posted: Mon Apr 30 14:14:02 CDT 2007
My secret is the total financial disaster I have created in my life. No one but me knows the extent of this crisis. People know I have no money but not the degree of my debt. I am $40,000 at least in credit card debt. I owe friends a few thousand dollars. I haven't paid taxes for 3 years. I don't owe much if any but I haven't filed. My car is on the repo list, it isn't insured and the registration is expired. Creditors call me continuously. I was evicted from a house because I quit my job that the house was part of. They didn't give me time and I didn't have money to leave so they filed suit against me. My credit score must be as low as it goes. I have no credit cards nor credit and I have $14 in the bank. My current landlord,a so-called friend who let me move in rent free now wants me out asap. He broke his agreement to let me stay the month. My life has become a disaster of my own making. And no one knows. I carry the guilt and burden alone. The shame is intense. I can't seem to make a right decision. Thank you

I can hear how you are almost drowning in shame. Thank you for choosing to share it here as a healing step in getting out of your secret prison. You deserve support to help get you on your true path, where there is so much you have to offer others. I send you much compassion.

Posted: Mon Apr 30 14:13:54 CDT 2007
hi i was loveing one girl form last six years ,and she discover that then she love me also at last she say i dont love u at all mean six years i spend for nothing ,now my heart is crying how the people wil trust on love ,i escaed from the name of love realy its hurt me toooooooo much

I can understand how hurt you must be. The love you can still trust is the love that is within you. Remember, you ARE love.